


Cousins

by darth_stitch



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Awesome Darcy Lewis, Crack, F/M, Headcanon, Humor, M/M, Thor Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-24 03:55:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2567294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darth_stitch/pseuds/darth_stitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the record, there is nothing that could be both terrifying and pathetic at the same time as a Thunder God thinking that his girlfriend has dumped him for another man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cousins

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at [The Blanket Fort](http://darthstitch.tumblr.com/post/100563715336/cousins-a-headcanon)

For the record, there is nothing that could be both terrifying and pathetic at the same time as a Thunder God thinking that his girlfriend has dumped him for another man.

Especially if that man happens to be _Captain America._

So Bucky’s already moving to get Steve out of the line of fire… er, _lightning._   Although he knows perfectly well that his boyfriend would not cheat on him and he’s taught Steve the sacred commandment that is _Thou shalt not steal another fella’s sweetheart, especially if that fella’s a pal,_ it really looks bad.  Jane’s clinging to Steve for all she’s worth and Bucky appreciates the fact that Steve is so very climbable.  And Steve looks a bit teary-eyed himself.  

So.  Steve has a sad.  Bucky has to squash the part of himself that is still and will always be the _Winter Soldier_ , whose first instinct would be _Destroy everything that gives our Steve the sads._ And yeah, he's willing to take on a God of Thunder to save Steve's idiot punk ass.  Steve's explanation for this better be _good._

Darcy, bless her, saves the day.

"Whoa, there, Sparky!  Steve and Jane found out they’re long-lost cousins!"

Wait.  What?

Cue identical expression from Thor. 

So it turns out, Jane’s great-grandmother and Steve’s mom were sisters.  Bucky had some vague memories of Steve mentioning his Aunt Maggie, but he’d lost touch with her shortly after his Ma died but he’d always wanted to visit her in Boston, after the war, on the Great Road Trip that he and Bucky had planned but had never gotten around to doing. 

Turns out, Jane had photo albums of Great-Grandma, Great-Aunt Sarah Rogers and _Cousin Steve_ when he was still bitty and adorable.  And then she put two and two together and showed them to Steve. 

The results were predictable. 

Steve _still_ apologized to Thor anyway, because Thor’s kicked-puppy look was about as devastating as Steve’s was and Thor apologized to Steve in turn, for believing that he would be so “churlish as to attempt to wrest away the affections of my fair lady Jane.”

Jane, Darcy and Bucky were too busy squeeing (the Winter Soldier does _not_ squee, with _one_ notable exception) over the pictures of Bitty Steve Rogers.   

Steve, of course, ended up doing his adorable full-on body blush after that, but he knew that this was payback coming to him and he was already directing the Wounded Puppy Expression in Bucky's general direction, which, as he knew quite well, was utterly irresistible to Bucky.  He was also edging towards a full-on case of Rogers Grumpies and heaven only knew that the sure fire cure to _that_ one was kisses.  Lots of 'em.  Delivered by Bucky Barnes. 

Bucky let him stew in that for a while.  It wouldn't hurt him. 

And then, Darcy casually mentioned that she missed her awesome grandma, a really wicked cool hell raiser of a dame - Gran’s words, not Darcy’s.  Gran went on a lot about her handsome big brother, who was all but married to this cutie pie punk, except that they were living in Not So Cool Times and World War II made it so that Great Uncle Bucky and Uncle Punk never made it home. 

Great Uncle.  _Bucky._

The ear-splitting shriek that Darcy let out upon finally realizing that _Great Uncle Bucky_ was Bucky Barnes shattered a couple of glasses and almost the window.  Also, it caused Clint to fall out of the air vent and he promptly complained that Darcy shorted out his hearing aids. 

Bucky, however, just did Steve’s Nose Bridge-Pinch of Barely Concealed Horror and commented, “What are the odds of a Barnes ending up looking after a Trouble Prone Rogers Punk?”

And he pointedly looks at Jane. 

Who sputters out a “HEY I RESEMBLE THAT REMARK! FOR SCIENCE!”

And Steve has his Deer in Headlights expression on, looks at Darcy and at Bucky, then heavenwards and says, “Two of them?  Really?” 

Thus, Rogers and Foster must be allied against the Terrible Protective Machinations of Barnes and Lewis. 

Steve was promptly christened “Uncle Punk” by Darcy. 

Thor proclaimed himself solidly on Team Barnes and Lewis, because he understands that it is a “great and terrible task, wherein we watch over our Captain and our Goddess of Science, in their noble endeavors.”  Also, Darcy had the Pop Tarts.  

_\- end -_

**Author's Note:**

>  **Note:** Please heap all blame upon the head of [sparrowsverse](http://tmblr.co/m5GzSObVAj5n8ZoAs1VDmlA) \- who came up with having Bucky and Darcy as related to each other. 


End file.
